If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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