you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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