You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
