Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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