You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
