So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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