it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
