mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
