Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
