I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
