why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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