i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
