i jhust puked up my retainher.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
