I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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