I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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