fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
