I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
