you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
