Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
