Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
