I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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