so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
