yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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