apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
