maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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