I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
