That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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