the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he shaved USA in his pubs
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
