it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
