I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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