i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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