twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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