by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
