Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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