we're blogging at a bar
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
