I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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