sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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