First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
