i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Maybe he injected his testicle?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
