You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
