i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
