once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
