so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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