Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
