There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
