Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
