thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Randomize
