Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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