I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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