Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
