why didn't you poke me back
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
