the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
