I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
