You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
