i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
