She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
